What to do with the Engagement Ring during the wedding ceremony?

It might not be the most difficult part of your wedding to plan, but the question of what to do with the bride’s diamond engagement ring during the ceremony arises frequently. For many an auxiliary question is how the bridal set should be worn after the ceremony? That might influence the placement of the wedding and engagement rings during the wedding itself.

Traditionally engagement and wedding rings are worn together on the left hand, especially if they are a set. The wedding ring is usually first, and closest to the heart, and the engagement ring is worn on top of it. This means that the engagement ring will have to be taken off or changed to the right hand for the ceremony. That way the groom can place the wedding ring in its intended order. After the ceremony the engagement ring can be replaced on the left hand above the wedding ring, if so desired.

Superstition holds that the wedding ring should never be taken off, and if it is not put on first it will have to be removed every time you want to clean or store the engagement ring. Not all women want to wear the engagement ring every day, especially if their job prohibits one, or there is a baby who can be easily scratched.

Of course not removing the ring at all can be very inconvenient, especially if you have the type of skin that becomes irritated under the band after washing your hands. In a blog post on “The Knot”, one woman went even further when she said she takes the whole bridal set off and substitutes a simple gold band at work. She is a nurse, and she does this for safety reasons. Another woman wrote that she was a firefighter and since she intends to remove her engagement and wedding rings only for cleaning or very dirty chores, her fiancé (also a firefighter) designed a set that was capable of withstanding some very damaging situations.

The question of whether the diamond engagement ring should be removed for the ceremony becomes irrelevant if the wedding band is a wide stand-alone ring with or without diamonds. In that case the decision will have already been made that the engagement ring will always be worn on the right hand.

A variation on placement is the engagement ring first and the wedding ring second, the rational being the order that the rings were given and received. The engagement ring would then be left on during the ceremony and the wedding ring placed on the ring finger of the left hand, above the diamond.

The order the rings are worn in, or whether they are ever taken off, is a decision made at the discretion of the couple, and is no indication of how long the marriage will last or how sincere their love is.

Diamonds, love and friendship

 “A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but Diamonds are a girl's best friend.”
- as written by Leo Robin, and performed by Mae West.

A diamond should never be a girl’s best friend. The man who placed the ring on her finger, solidifying a promise to love her ‘til death did them part, should be both the lover and the best friend.

It is not the diamond that is the symbol of eternal love; it is the never ending circle that is the band upon which the stone is mounted. A diamond engagement ring is meant to be more than a sparkling accoutrement.

In an atmosphere where materialism often outweighs human commitment, it is refreshing that the custom of pledging marriage with a ring is still the norm. Part of love is made up of private moments, and part of it thrives when it is declared openly.

Many cultures through history have expressed the bonding of a couple through symbols. The circle, which has no beginning or end, also represents the sun, the moon at its fullest, the earth, and eternity. In ancient times a circle of reeds was used create the circle of the wedding band.

A diamond engagement ring is a symbol, not just an adornment. The husband to be has made a pledge and his wife to be has accepted that pledge and has added one of her own. The realization of those pledges is worn on the woman’s hand, first the engagement ring, followed by the wedding ring.

It should also be mentioned that engagement rings for men are gaining popularity. The ring is usually in the form of a band similar to a man’s wedding ring, but has a diamond, or multiple diamonds, set flush with the surface, and mounted on the front face of the ring. In the Nordic countries engagement rings are common for both the bride and the groom.

The commercialization of diamond engagement wedding rings originated with the De Beers Company near the beginning of the 1900’s. Bigger was better. Expensive was even better. The promotion added an element of materialism to the act of betrothal.

There are few things in the world more beautiful than a high quality gemstone set into a spectacular ring. But an engagement ring should also represent the emotional connection between the couple; the friendship and love. Without that, as Malcolm Forbes has said:

“Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs.” 

Buying a “manly” wedding band

No so many years ago wearing jewelry was considered “unmanly”.  Men did not even wear wrist watches; they consulted their trusty pocket watch. WWII changed all that. Men were issued wrist watches, and many soldiers started to wear wedding bands to remind them of their family back home. Most certainly no one was going to accuse a man in uniform with a gun as being unmanly.

Today the practice of wearing both a time piece on the wrist and rings on their fingers has continued. Chain link bracelets and necklaces have been added to the list of acceptable jewelry for men.

But men’s jewelry is very different from women’s. As a general rule, a man chooses his jewelry according to practicality and his life style. While a woman would choose her engagement and wedding ring for their beauty, a man is interested in how his watch and wedding ring will stand up in terms of his job and hobbies. If he is a jeans and boots kind of guy, bling-bling will look totally out of place. However, a man who is CEO of a large company and spends more time in the boardroom than working in the engine of his car might want to express his standing with a tasteful array of diamonds on his wedding band.

A male characteristic is linear thought. He is logical, and thinks in a straight line. He considers strength a valuable asset, having sprung from a line of hunter/gatherers that dates back to prehistoric times. He is practical. When family, friends or co-workers approach him with a problem his initial reaction will be “what can I DO?” That’s the premise of the Venus and Mars theory. A man might secretly see himself as a high steel worker, a cowboy, or any job that seems to be the epitome of manly. He envisions himself as a “man’s man”.

Many jewelry manufacturers and jewelry designers have woken up to the unique tastes that men exhibit in clothes and accessories. The traditional plain yellow gold man’s wedding ring is still a viable choice, but there is also a huge assortment of high-end designer rings that are comfortable to wear, durable, and as attractive as any work of art.

A man’s wedding ring need not be only a symbolic expression of his marital status; his wedding ring can represent his tastes and personality as well as his commitment to a relationship. Today’s designers of men’s wedding rings can explore new materials and textures, interesting structural forms, and inclusion of high quality gemstones if so desired.  A man’s wedding ring should match the man.

New Trends in the men’s luxury jewelry market

One would think that during the recession the sales on luxury items in general would
drop. But high end jewelry and car markets did the exact opposite.

While the overall car market fell, luxury car sales rose by 10% or more during 2008, one of the hardest hit years.  GM’s numbers were down (24%) along with the standards Honda (almost 13%) and Toyota (11%) also experiencing a loss in sales. During the same time period Mercedes increased their market share 24%, Audi 17% and BMW an amazing 50%!

Part of the reason is that there is no substitute for quality and prestige. Another is that luxury car manufacturers introduced some less expensive models opening the market to a large income level.

Men’s jewelry also over performed in the downturn, doubling since 2007.  As in the case of car manufacturers, there were some externals involved. For many men the competitive business atmosphere caused them to become more aware of their appearance. “Dress for success” became an important lifestyle goal.

This trend has continued unabated until the current time. Men now represent a rise of 10% in the jewelry buying public. And they are making up their own minds about what they want to wear. A jewelry manufacturer of high end wedding bands for men noted that 4 out of 7 men choose their own wedding ring without help, with 3 being somewhat influenced by their future wife.

The styles and shapes that men are attracted to are very specific.  The same manufacturer explained that they were drawn to the architectural design of their men’s wedding bands, as well as the mechanical complexity of the rings.  Quality of craftsmanship is also a buying factor. Is the infrastructure of the wedding ring solid; is it well executed; and how professional is the finishing? A man’s wedding ring is more dependent on the lines and finish than a woman’s ring which can also rely on the brilliance of the diamond to carry the “look”.

Will this trend in the men’s high end jewelry last?

Michael Fisher, the Editor of the men’s section at Sylesight, is a trend-forecasting specialist. He explains that men will not necessarily spend on wardrobe pieces, “but an accessory to express their individuality? Sure.” (Time Business). He also explained that business men buy luxury jewelry (such as wedding rings) at the end of a recession to show that they are part of the recovery. Men tend to buy one excellent piece instead of mix and match cheaper items, so they are willing to pay the extra to have a luxury high end piece, especially in a wedding ring that will be worn for years.